U.S.-Born ISIS Gal Wants To Return to U.S., But Fortunately, She Won’t
Most full-blooded 19-year-old American girls are either sharing a dorm room studying for their college English final, or entering the workforce on their way to independence and/or meeting Mister Right. (Okay, maybe Mrs. Right instead.)
Hoda Muthana, from Alabama no less, had other ideas. She ran to Syria in 2015 to join ISIS and help chop the heads off of anyone who didn’t run to Syria to join ISIS.
Two years later in 2017, her father was interviewed and indicated he had been happy that his daughter was taking such a deep interest in Islam, but he didn’t think it would “go this far.” (Who was it that said religion is a good thing if taken in moderation?) Based on his paraphrased words from back then, I think the FBI should be checking out what Daddy’s working on in his basement, and everyone who Daddy knows.
It’s hard to get the facts straight in a case like this, because if am ISIS member can’t lie, who can? According to what I’ve read, she left her American husband waiting at a roadside pita stand in Mobile to get on a plane for Damascus. On her arrival at the tarmac in Syria was not a red carpet, but a 40-year-old Volkswagen Beetle to whisk her in style to her ISIS brethren, and to meet her new ISIS husband, who was killed in battle a few hours after she fed him from the wedding cake.
So she married another ISIS fighter, who was quickly killed too. (She had heard that you have to marry these ISIS guys before they get killed, so at least you’re entitled to death benefits, like a goat.)
But this wasn’t enough for Hoda, so she married yet another ISIS stud, with which she was able to “couple” and have a child before he was killed too. Or he ran away after taking one look at the kid. Who knows for sure. (They say all children are beautiful, but come on. Just look at him!)
After four years of this fairy tale life, Hoda now wants to come home to Sweet Home Alabama, because after witnessing all of these beheadings, screwing the guys doing these beheadings, and Tweeting to others encouraging them to get out there and behead some infidels for themselves, she thought, “Could this possibly be wrong?” She had seen the light.
She coincidentally came to this moral revelation at the same time ISIS had been mainly destroyed, no more bearded guys to marry, and while she sits in a Kurdish refugee camp with around 1,500 other ISIS nuts who converted at the exact same and also want to go home.
The legal issues are nuts, because no one has all of the facts. Think of the Jussie Smollett story as it unfolded last week running up through today!
As an American citizen, doesn’t she have the right to return, albeit face charges, because she can claim she didn’t actually kill anyone herself, she was a just an enabler, and a young, impressionable teenager at the time? Like, doesn’t everyone have a sister of that age who you have to get in line and yell, “Hey, Michele! Throw out that damn bomb-making equipment, will you!? It’s against the law and someone might get hurt!”
To get released from the camp, the U.S. government would have to make a request on her behalf, but that isn’t happening. Today, Trump and Mike Pompeo stated she will not be allowed to return, based on her claim to U.S. citizenship, because…drumroll please…
Although born in Hackensack, New Jersey, Hoda was born to parents in the U.S. to a diplomat, which makes her ineligible for birthright citizenship. This negates the need for the U.S. even to have to bother “stripping” her of citizenship because of her shifting allegiance and support for terrorist activities. And I guarantee that hubby even let her take a whack with that ax herself every now and then.
Can this story get any better? I have to make some popcorn! We even have Hackensack involved! How often does Hackensack make international terrorism news?
An illegal’s child is eligible for birthright citizenship, but the laws are written as such so that a Diplomat’s child isn’t. They can park wherever they want and not have to pay the tickets, but have a baby? Forget it. Ship the kid back to Lebanon.
I therefore wonder how Muslims and Progressives are going to argue for continued overall birthright citizenship because it’s current law, and at the same time, argue that Hoda’s entitled to birthright citizenship even though it contradicts other law.
I don’t think Hoda’s lawyers are too confident about winning this one so she can return and enjoy a welcome home Halal barbecue at the Birmingham Mosque, but I bet you the Muslim community is going to come up with the millions of bucks necessary to fight a legal battle on her behalf.
And that’s the real story here. Them, not her.