Think Paper Straws Suck? Donald Trump to the Rescue

Are you tired of paper straws that fall apart in your drink and miss the good old plastic straws you were forced to ditch by environmentally crazed libs? Well, get ready to say goodbye to paper straws that suck because they don’t suck!

President Donald Trump has signed an executive order ending the US government’s war on plastic straws, which is mandated to replace them with paper. The order, which takes effect immediately, reverses a measure signed by former President Joe Biden, who had called plastic pollution a “crisis.”

Trump, who released his own brand of plastic straws during his 2020 campaign, said paper straws “don’t work” and “disgustingly” dissolve in the mouths of consumers.

In 2024, Biden ordered a gradual end to US government purchases of plastic straws, as well as plastic cutlery and packaging. Many commercial enterprises followed suit, bending to left-wing environmental lunacy.

Trump’s directive orders government agencies to stop buying paper straws and calls for a strategy to eliminate them nationwide.

“We’re going back to plastic straws,” Trump told reporters at the White House after signing the order.

“These things don’t work, I’ve had them many times, and on occasion, they break, they explode. If something’s hot, they don’t last very long, like a matter of minutes, sometimes a matter of seconds. It’s a ridiculous situation,” Trump said.

Trump has been a long-standing critic of paper straws.

During his campaign to be re-elected president in 2020, which he ultimately lost, “Trump” branded plastic straws were sold – at $15 for a pack of 10 – as a replacement for what he called “liberal” paper straws.

In total, the campaign reported nearly $500,000 from straw sales in the first few weeks alone.

Elon Musk, Trump’s strongman head of the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), shares his boss’s views on paper straws. In 2022, for instance, he wrote on X, “Stop the war on straws!” Musk also called paper straws “the worst” in a more recent August 2024 post on the social media platform.

For now, Trump’s executive order only applies to purchases by the federal government. A number of US cities and states – including Seattle, Washington, California, Oregon, and New Jersey – have adopted rules that limit the use of plastic straws or require that businesses provide them only after being asked by customers.