HORIST: ‘Twas the week before Christmas …

In the midst of this holiday season, I found myself channeling Clement Clarke Moore and his epic holiday poem.

‘Twas the week before Christmas when all through the House

Impeachment was stirring, with considerable joust;

The Articles were prepared by the chairmen unfair,

In the hopes that Pelosi, no vote would she spare.

The members assembled all smug at their desks;

While visions of Trump gave Democrats no rest.

The Speaker with gavel and Schiff at his post,

They addled our brains with their long-winded roast.

When off to the right there arose such a clatter,

I ran to the chamber to see what’s the matter.

Away to the gallery, I flew like a flash,

I tore open the doors with a loud sounding crash.

The lights of the chamber seem dim and so low,

Giving an ominous look to the people below.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

A miniature Nadler I saw from the rear.

He was speaking to another in such somber riff,

And I knew in a moment it was his friend shifty Schiff.

To your seats now assemble, I heard Pelosi proclaim.

She gaveled and shouted and called each by their name.

Now Omar! Now Clyburn! Now Dingell and Pascrell

Come Shalala! Come Lujan! Come Waters and Swalwell.

To the front of the chamber, to your seats in this hall.

Now vote away! Vote away! Vote away all.

To their seats in the chamber each member they flew,

With the hands full of papers, and those Articles, too.

And then in a twinkling, the call of the roll,

With the secretary of the House taking the toll.

As I drew in my head and kept gazing about.

Down came the gavel with Pelosi’s great clout.

She was dressed in all black, from her head to her foot,

As the scheme of her caucus had now taken root

With the pretense of solemnity, she stood at the podium

With confidence in the outcome, despite its odium

A bundle of votes, she drew from the floor

Of the number she needed, there were quite a few more.

Her eyes, how they squinted, her lips pursed so tight

You could tell that the Speaker was ready to fight.

When the votes were all counted and their deed was then done,

Madam Speaker had warned against any expression of fun.

With a wink of her eye and a frown on her head

She gave warning to her members – a warning they dread.

The Republicans stayed loyal to the positions they held,

But four Democrats protested by refusing to meld.

While shaking a finger at those who oppose,

She picked up the gavel and in her hand it arose.

Banging on the rostrum, she declared with great might,
That Impeachment is accomplished on this cold winter night.

So, there ‘tis.