Mirror, Mirror On The Wall… Is Oprah The Dems’ Best Chance of All?

So it’s not going to happen, but let’s pretend it does. My scenario is fun to consider, and would make for a much more interesting general election than we can otherwise anticipate.

Oprah Winfrey decides to change political affiliation (she’s currently an Independent) and throws her hat into the ring for the 2020 presidential contest, even at this late date. Or even later, bypassing the idiocy of these split 24-candidate debates, setting herself apart right away for having enough sense to avoid that nonsense, and avoid bad camera angles and poor makeup:

The photo above shows the latest July issue of Oprah’s magazine, where she looks like she’s 35 and 110 lbs. as opposed to her current age of 65 and God knows how heavy. Do you think Oprah Winfrey ever looked this good, or young, or thin, in her entire life? Those must be some mighty magical lenses they’re using, not to mention Hollywood’s highest paid Photoshop artists!

So she passes the first test of Democrat Liberalism, which is deception, and style over substance. She would win the California primary on these assets alone.

I understand we’re never going to see the fat and ugly Color Purple Oprah on the cover of her magazine (that’s the Oprah I can relate to), and I’m fully aware that vanity, thy name is woman, but come on! You’re making us think it’s April Fool’s Day, or that we need new glasses.

But putting vanity aside, there’s no denying Oprah’s influence on the voting public. They call it the Oprah Effect, Oprahfication, etc., and it’s a very real thing and a studied phenomenon, with statistics and everything. She tells her viewers what to do, and they do it. What to read, what to think, and who to vote for. And there are millions of these folks out there, of every color.

Now, I wouldn’t vote for Oprah for reasons too numerous to mention, my hero Trump being the main reason, but I’m just trying to throw the Democrats a lifesaver here. Consider:

She’s an American success story, she isn’t as liberal as one might think (she’s a successful businesswoman who knows business), and she’s a black woman. Put “black” and “woman” in the same sentence and you’ve got 50% of the Democratic Primaries vote right there. Elizabeth Warren can’t compete with that because not only did DNA tests prove her not to be Native American, she doesn’t even look Sioux-ish! And Kamala Harris? Even her own daddy can’t stand her.

Twenty years ago, Oprah’s liberalism and New Age spirituality made a lot of Americans uncomfortable, especially the Democrats’ mortal enemy, old white guys like me. However, we now know this was just show business (you gotta get viewers and sell books, completely Capitalist endeavors), and even her pro-LGBT crusades are now out of style. We’ve all been there, done that, it’s over, and all that’s left for the Progressives to fight for is same-sex bathrooms for all and homosexual empathy education for kindergartners.

So she’s a pretty palpable candidate to moderate or righter-leaning Democrats compared to the outright Socialists, Communists, Anarchists, Loonies on that debate stage right now, while still being able to make believable promises to the fans of those Socialists, Communists, Anarchists and Loonies.

DNC rules have their vagaries on required specifications for registering as a candidate, but 2016 and their anti-Bernie coup proved how much their rules really mean, so Oprah can still get in as a Democrat.

Ronald Reagan broke the glass ceiling of Celebrity-Turned-Politician, although he had been politically active in the actors union. Arnold Schwarzenegger worked it pretty good for himself too. (I mean, a Republican Governor in California!? Liberal Dems often don’t make much sense.) And Donald Trump blew the lid off what kind of background and experience we’re “supposed” to expect from our President.

So the door is open for Oprah, a well-respected American who grew up in poverty and abuse and rose to the very top, the quintessential American success story. Her voter appeal is undeniable. She’s the Dems’ best chance.

But like I said above, I’m voting for the other guy, the one with the policies I believe are the very best for America’s future and America’s unique identity and place in the world.

And I don’t need a magic mirror to tell me that.