America’s Lost Sons: The Struggle of Young Men in a Changing World

In America today, young men are struggling more than ever before. Many of them, particularly those in their 20s and early 30s, are still living at home with their parents. A generational shift has occurred, and young men are finding themselves left behind, feeling purposeless and directionless in a rapidly changing world.

The Current Landscape: A Generation Left Adrift

The numbers tell a troubling story. In the U.S., about 20% of young men aged 25 to 34 still live with their parents, compared to just 12% of young women in the same age group. This gap is more than just a statistic; it is a reflection of a deeper societal issue.

Take Dan and Joana Moreno, a Miami couple with four adult children. Out of their four kids, only their daughter has managed to leave home and build her own life. She graduated from business school, got engaged, and has carved out her own future. Their three sons, on the other hand, are all still living in their childhood bedrooms, unsure of their next steps. The younger two dropped out of college, while the oldest never attended at all. Their only work experience has been in their father’s appliance repair business. As Dan puts it, “Something has gone amiss here. We love them, we love having them around, but that’s not how you build a life.”

The Morenos’ situation is not unique. The stagnation of young men has become a widespread trend across America. In August of this year, 89% of young men were either employed or looking for work—700,000 fewer men than would be expected if labor participation were at 2004 levels. Meanwhile, the participation rate for women in the same age range has risen by 6 percentage points in just the last ten years.

These shifts are leading young men to feel “so, so lost,” as Daniel Moreno, one of Dan and Joana’s sons, put it. After dropping out of college midway through his sophomore year, Daniel found himself at home, unsure of what he was working toward, and five years later, he still finds himself stuck in that uncertainty. His story is not uncommon—many young men feel paralyzed by a lack of purpose. “Nothing is really stopping me,” Daniel says, “It’s just myself, standing in my own way.”

What’s Changed: The Decline of Traditional Roles

To understand why young men are falling behind, we need to look at how their world has changed. In previous generations, young men could expect to get a decent job, settle down, and support a family. The path to adulthood was well-defined, focused on becoming a provider. There was an implicit assumption that simply being male meant there would be opportunities—a steady job, a family, and a place in society.

That has all changed. Declines in traditionally male-dominated industries like manufacturing have reduced the availability of the kinds of jobs that once provided young men without a college degree a ticket to the middle class.

“The sense a lot of young men have is not being sure that they are needed or that they are going to be needed by their families, by their communities, by society,” says Richard Reeves, president of the American Institute for Boys and Men. This uncertainty has left many young men feeling aimless.

The Rise of Modern Dating: Unrealistic Expectations Are Leaving Women Unable to Connect

The modern dating landscape is another contributing factor to the struggles faced by young men, fueled in part by women’s increasingly unrealistic standards. While fewer people are getting married today, there are still millions actively seeking relationships. In 2020, approximately 44.2 million Americans used online dating services, a number expected to grow to 53.3 million by 2025. Yet, recent research indicates that women have become significantly more selective than men, making it difficult for many potential partners to find meaningful connections. Women swipe right only 30% of the time on dating apps, and a study by OkCupid found that 80% of men are deemed unattractive by female users. This hyper-selectivity leaves many women continually unsatisfied, as they overlook men who might be more compatible in favor of a narrow slice of “top-tier” candidates who are often just looking for casual flings.

The problem is that these unrealistic expectations are leaving many women disillusioned when the men they choose show no interest in committing. Research shared by dating analyst Alexander (@datepsych on Twitter) reveals that only one in 100 male profiles was liked by more than 80% of women, with women typically seeking men who meet incredibly high standards—wealth, a perfect physique, high status, and more. These top 1% men may be willing to engage in casual relationships, but they are unlikely to see these hyper-selective women as potential life partners. Meanwhile, suitable men who are not super wealthy or conventionally attractive are entirely overlooked. This delusional approach to dating ends up working against these women, as they remain locked out of meaningful relationships, chasing men who are not interested in long-term commitment, while passing up men who could offer them genuine partnership and stability.

Symptoms of the Crisis: Loneliness and Lost Potential

The struggles young men face are more than economic; they are also deeply personal. A significant number of young men today are dealing with loneliness, isolation, and a sense of hopelessness. On average, young men aged 18 to 30 are spending 18% more time alone now than they were just a few years ago. This translates to an average of 6.6 nonsleeping hours spent in solitude every day—22% more than their female peers.

These young men are not just spending more time alone; they are also feeling more disconnected. Nearly two-thirds of young men surveyed by Equimundo, a gender-equality advocacy group, said that nobody really knows them well. About a quarter reported that they hadn’t seen anyone outside their household in the past week. This disconnection from others is taking a serious toll on mental health.

As young men pull away from society, their economic prospects also suffer. Many of these men fall into the NEET category—not in employment, education, or training. As of the first half of 2024, about 260,000 more young men than women were classified as NEET. Gary Barker, director of Equimundo, points out, “The more that you’re sitting on the couch as opposed to out in the world, your social network gets narrower, and then you don’t have the social capital or the skills to step into a job.” The longer young men remain disconnected, the harder it becomes for them to regain their footing.

A Darker Picture: Rising Despair Among Young Men

The consequences of this crisis are alarming. The suicide rate for men aged 25 to 34 has risen by 30% since 2010, marking the largest increase among any age group. Men account for nearly three out of every four “deaths of despair,” which include suicides, alcohol abuse, and overdoses. Many young men are drowning in feelings of guilt, anger, and resentment over their inability to meet societal expectations. Ethan Myers, a 25-year-old who lives with his mother in Maryland, admits, “I feel like there are many paths, but there is no set goal. The only thing I want to do is to make sure my parents are taken care of.”

Young men are also grappling with substance abuse, often as a way to cope with their feelings of hopelessness. For some, the transition to adulthood has been derailed by poor choices and a lack of understanding about how to moderate their behavior. Take Ronan Convery, a young man who fell into a toxic cycle of partying when he started college. “I was so ready to be back to hanging out with people in person that I didn’t actually spend the time to think, ‘Hey, are these people I’m hanging out with good people?'” After almost choking on his own vomit one night, Ronan realized he needed to change. He moved back home and began working retail while taking online classes—trying to piece his life back together.

For many young men like Ronan, the journey out of this darkness is long and fraught with challenges. Without clear direction, stable role models, or societal support, young men are left to navigate the complexities of modern life on their own. And for too many, the struggle becomes too much to bear.

Society’s Pressures: Why Are Young Men Struggling?

The root causes of this crisis are multifaceted. On the economic side, the decline of well-paying blue-collar jobs has left many young men without viable career options. Manufacturing, construction, and other industries that once offered a stable path to adulthood have diminished, replaced by jobs that often require higher levels of education or different skills. This shift has left a significant gap that many young men are unable to bridge.

Social changes have also contributed to the crisis. The concept of masculinity is in flux, and there is a lack of consensus about what it means to be a man today. Traditional ideals of masculinity—stoicism, competitiveness, being a provider—are no longer seen as applicable or even desirable. Yet new models of masculinity have not emerged clearly, leaving young men in limbo. They are told to reject “toxic” masculinity but are offered little guidance on what to replace it with.

The pandemic only worsened this situation, isolating young men from their social networks and support systems. While young women were able to adapt by maintaining connections virtually, young men, who often rely on in-person activities for social support, were left isolated. As Reeves notes, “The pandemic has impacted everyone in different ways, but it’s had a disproportionate effect on the group we were already worried about.”

Reclaiming a Generation

America’s young men are facing a crisis of identity, purpose, and belonging. The traditional paths to adulthood have eroded, leaving many young men lost in a world that no longer has a clear role for them. The economic challenges, the shifting expectations of masculinity, and the disconnection from social and community life have created a perfect storm—one that has left a generation of young men struggling to find their place.

Will America be able to take step back and reclaim some of the traditional gender roles that it has abandoned? Will we be able to re-instill the work ethic and the connectivity to community that young men seem to lack?

In our opinion, this begins in early education, instilling such values as work ethic, responsibility and connection to society, perhaps even an expanded exposure to American exceptionalism to instill pride and direction. But without a serious commitment by parents, this will be a difficult road – which will not happen under a wishy-washy and weak leadership like the Biden Administration. if Harris wins it will be worse.

The consequences of doing nothing are a weak and sickly class of young men, a rapidly declining birthrate, and a loss of strength in a society held together by the traditional family unit.