ITS JUST CANDY for god’s sake!!

STOP THE PRESSES!!!  BREAK INTO THE PRIME-TIME TELEVISION PROGRAMING!!  

The Mars Candy Company has announced the addition of a new candy-of-color in the M&M line-up – Purple. It has been more than ten years since a new color has been added to the hitherto six-color family of chocolate treats.

Before I go any further, I must confess that in my pre-diabetic days, M&Ms were among my favorite candies.  I loved those little perfectly shaped crunchy candy-encased chocolates that melted in your mouth and not in your hands.  They are a chocolate that you can keep in your pocket without having it return to a mushy mass.  However, in all those years of devouring all those multi-color candies, I have never received any kind of message from them.  

According to the folks at Mars, Purple is not just another piece of candy.  In this day of political correctness, identity politics, and tribalism, being a piece of candy is not enough.  You need social relevancy – a least some mock social relevance that would best be left to satire.  In fact, the news from Mars (the company, not the planet – although that might have been a better explanation) reads more like an article from The Onion or Babylon Bee than a serious commercial enterprise.

According to Mars, Purple is one of the Company’s “spokescandies.”  She …..

(Oh yeah.  The information refers to Purple as a “she”.   It is not clear if Purple is a natural “she” or is a “he” candy that self-identifies as a “she” candy.  In fact, I have no idea how the gender of a tiny piece of candy-covered chocolate is determined.  But I digress.)  

According to the folks at Mars, Purple is charming and has a “quirky nature.”  Her color represents acceptance and inclusivity.  Her character is one of “self-confidence, authenticity, and confidence.”

Jane Hwang, global vice president of Mars said, “There is so much about our new spokescandy that people can relate to and appreciate, including her willingness to embrace her true self – our new character reminds us to celebrate what makes us unique.” 

I am sure that is what all those ten-year-olds will be thinking as they crush Purple between their teeth and send her shattered and emulsified (albeit charming) remains down their gullet.  Ironically, Purple is really not new to the M&M lineup.  It was one of the first five colors introduced by Forrest Mars in 1941, when the candy had colors, but not personalities – and certainly not social relevancy.  In 1949, Purple got replaced by “tan.”  In 1995, Mars allowed consumers to pick a replacement for tan – and the choices were pink, blue, or … purple.  They picked blue.

Purple even has her own original song – “I’m just gonna be me.”  There are, however, two “me’s.“ Sometimes she is that classic M&M, but sometimes she is a nut.

Of course, Purple is not the first M&M with a message.  They are all now designated spokescandies – although the messages are not very clear in some cases.  Green had a makeover after appearing to be too sexy for a piece of candy.  I missed that scandal.

I worry about a future generation that will be relying on a piece of candy for emotional counseling – and I have no intention of being lectured to by a bite of sugar-coated chocolate.  After all … it is just a piece of candy.

So, there ’tis.