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ITS JUST CANDY for god’s sake!!

ITS JUST CANDY for god’s sake!!

STOP THE PRESSES!!!  BREAK INTO THE PRIME-TIME TELEVISION PROGRAMING!!  

The Mars Candy Company has announced the addition of a new candy-of-color in the M&M line-up – Purple. It has been more than ten years since a new color has been added to the hitherto six-color family of chocolate treats.

Before I go any further, I must confess that in my pre-diabetic days, M&Ms were among my favorite candies.  I loved those little perfectly shaped crunchy candy-encased chocolates that melted in your mouth and not in your hands.  They are a chocolate that you can keep in your pocket without having it return to a mushy mass.  However, in all those years of devouring all those multi-color candies, I have never received any kind of message from them.  

According to the folks at Mars, Purple is not just another piece of candy.  In this day of political correctness, identity politics, and tribalism, being a piece of candy is not enough.  You need social relevancy – a least some mock social relevance that would best be left to satire.  In fact, the news from Mars (the company, not the planet – although that might have been a better explanation) reads more like an article from The Onion or Babylon Bee than a serious commercial enterprise.

According to Mars, Purple is one of the Company’s “spokescandies.”  She …..

(Oh yeah.  The information refers to Purple as a “she”.   It is not clear if Purple is a natural “she” or is a “he” candy that self-identifies as a “she” candy.  In fact, I have no idea how the gender of a tiny piece of candy-covered chocolate is determined.  But I digress.)  

According to the folks at Mars, Purple is charming and has a “quirky nature.”  Her color represents acceptance and inclusivity.  Her character is one of “self-confidence, authenticity, and confidence.”

Jane Hwang, global vice president of Mars said, “There is so much about our new spokescandy that people can relate to and appreciate, including her willingness to embrace her true self – our new character reminds us to celebrate what makes us unique.” 

I am sure that is what all those ten-year-olds will be thinking as they crush Purple between their teeth and send her shattered and emulsified (albeit charming) remains down their gullet.  Ironically, Purple is really not new to the M&M lineup.  It was one of the first five colors introduced by Forrest Mars in 1941, when the candy had colors, but not personalities – and certainly not social relevancy.  In 1949, Purple got replaced by “tan.”  In 1995, Mars allowed consumers to pick a replacement for tan – and the choices were pink, blue, or … purple.  They picked blue.

Purple even has her own original song – “I’m just gonna be me.”  There are, however, two “me’s.“ Sometimes she is that classic M&M, but sometimes she is a nut.

Of course, Purple is not the first M&M with a message.  They are all now designated spokescandies – although the messages are not very clear in some cases.  Green had a makeover after appearing to be too sexy for a piece of candy.  I missed that scandal.

I worry about a future generation that will be relying on a piece of candy for emotional counseling – and I have no intention of being lectured to by a bite of sugar-coated chocolate.  After all … it is just a piece of candy.

So, there ’tis.

About The Author

Larry Horist

So, there ‘tis… The opinions, perspectives and analyses of businessman, conservative writer and political strategist Larry Horist. Larry has an extensive background in economics and public policy. For more than 40 years, he ran his own Chicago based consulting firm. His clients included such conservative icons as Steve Forbes and Milton Friedman. He has served as a consultant to the Nixon White House and travelled the country as a spokesman for President Reagan’s economic reforms. Larry professional emphasis has been on civil rights and education. He was consultant to both the Chicago and the Detroit boards of education, the Educational Choice Foundation, the Chicago Teachers Academy and the Chicago Academy for the Performing Arts. Larry has testified as an expert witness before numerous legislative bodies, including the U. S. Congress, and has lectured at colleges and universities, including Harvard, Northwestern and DePaul. He served as Executive Director of the City Club of Chicago, where he led a successful two-year campaign to save the historic Chicago Theatre from the wrecking ball. Larry has been a guest on hundreds of public affairs talk shows, and hosted his own program, “Chicago In Sight,” on WIND radio. An award-winning debater, his insightful and sometimes controversial commentaries have appeared on the editorial pages of newspapers across the nation. He is praised by audiences for his style, substance and sense of humor. Larry retired from his consulting business to devote his time to writing. His books include a humorous look at collecting, “The Acrapulators’ Guide”, and a more serious history of the Democratic Party’s role in de facto institutional racism, “Who Put Blacks in That PLACE? -- The Long Sad History of the Democratic Party’s Oppression of Black Americans ... to This Day”. Larry currently lives in Boca Raton, Florida.

2 Comments

  1. Tom

    IF M&Ms really wanted to be inclusive it would make M&Ms the colors of people in the world, white, black, red, yellow, brown, and if you believe in smurfs or including the deceased, then include blue! There is no question of gender in M&M Nuts, but how do you determine the gender of a chocolate M&M? Perhaps the whole M&M quandary should be addressed by the UN so we can include democratic, communist, dictator M&Ms as well.

    • larry Horist

      Tom … I was going to propose a jumbo sized M&M to represent those of us a bit overweight from … eating too many M&Ms. Seems only fair.

  1. What, Larry? With Election Day so close and the margin is closer still you choose Biden for your whipping person…