Tired of fast food as well as those 50-year-old, bean-loaded menus at the Mexican restaurants that only change a few letters in their names every few years (because who understands Spanish anyways)? Then take a look at this vintage recipe freshly declassified by the President of the United States, proudly sharing the only and correct method to cook his late Uncle Bosey.
You’ll be tempted to ask why of all the people on earth we’d pick the recipe for Biden’s Uncle Bosey. Well, how about you watch this little video of Old Joe first?
So now you know why we are thinking of Biden’s war hero uncle whose body was never found in New Guinea, as the old man told in his own words. No reason to doubt his memory. We’ll now share the declassified special cannibal recipe for making an entrée of Biden’s Uncle Bosey. So pay attention.
Ingredients
- Time Machine (preferably the H.G. Wells version)
- Military maps of World War II
- Anti-Aircraft Gun
- Diving gear
- Cleaning Agent (preferably Burismeijing)
- Face mask and gloves
- Traditional Cooking Pots
- Herbs and Spices
Getting the Man
This is the most difficult and patience-demanding part of the process. But it’s indispensable for full-filling the cannibal appetite as it gets the prey. So grab your military maps of the Second World War and sit in the time machine set to arrive in New Guinea on May 14, 1944. When you arrive on the island, sit at a reasonable distance inward from the beach where Uncle Bosey’s plane will be heading down into the sea due to its decrepit engines. Keep the Anti-Aircraft Gun ready.
As Uncle Bosey’s plane appears overhead and is about to fly over the shoreline, shoot it down with the AA gun. Slip on your diving gears and rush to get the sleepy thing whose own biological engines likely failed not long after those of the expired plane carrying him. You will need to get the body quick and fast before the plane drowns.
Carry the poor martyred Uncle Bosey to a secure spot in the woods, away from the cannibals because those hungry creatures will be out on the prowl soon as they smell a Biden. Did we mention that the Biden family tends to be extra fragrant especially when dead?
Make sure your cell phones are off while you prepare Uncle Bosey for cooking. Just because you went eight decades back doesn’t mean the IRS will stop bugging you about their share in your charity’s fundraiser.
Cleaning Uncle Bosey
Given how genetically messy and politically filthy they are, it’s not easy to clean a Biden family member; but there are certain advantages of having one for dinner. For example, they are all born without a brain, so no worrying about the head part. In fact, many of their empty skulls play interesting stories and absurd snippets. So there’s some free entertainment as you work on the dude in the woods. Wear your face mask and gloves. After removing all the unwanted parts – you know what we mean – pour some Burismeijing all around the inside organs and skin.
For those not familiar with the brand, Burismeijing is a special cleaning agent developed by Hunter Biden-affiliated Burisma Holdings and manufactured in Beijing, China – hence the name Burismeijing. This agent works quickly and clears all the records of corruption – oops, sorry folks, please ignore the slip of tongue. Burismeijing is just a good cleaning agent for the Biden family. It makes the work so much easier.
Cooking Uncle Bosey
Cooking any Biden family member is very easy. They are all very greasy internally so you need no oil or fat. Just put Uncle Bosey in a traditional cannibal cooking pot and place it on woodfire. Don’t worry about the climate alarmists. Remember you are in 1944. Add herbs and spices as you like. Close the pot and enjoy the beautiful sounds of nature away from the LGBTQ nausea. Open the pot after an hour and check the food. If it looks ready, dish out and dig in; otherwise wait for another 30 minutes or so. Put off the fire and serve Uncle Bosey to all cannibal cuisine enthusiasts around you.
Caution
If you eat anyone or anything related to the Bidens, cognitive decline over the years is always a health risk. But if you are a Democrat, especially one running for public office, it shouldn’t be concern. The media will have your back and every fabricated story of yours will be ignored.
Return Note
If you choose to return to your insanity-laden American city, use the time machine. But if you decide to stay back in nature away from the madding crowd, send your cell phone in the time machine with relevant instructions for your next of kin so they can secure your house before Uncle Bosey’s nephew hands it over to squatters.
So folks, try this precious gem of a recipe and let us know in comments how you liked it.