Cannibal Cuisine – How to Cook Biden’s Uncle Bosey
Tired of fast food as well as those 50-year-old, bean-loaded menus at the Mexican restaurants that only change a few letters in their names every few years (because who understands Spanish anyways)? Then take a look at this vintage recipe freshly declassified by the President of the United States, proudly sharing the only and correct method to cook his late Uncle Bosey.
You’ll be tempted to ask why of all the people on earth we’d pick the recipe for Biden’s Uncle Bosey. Well, how about you watch this little video of Old Joe first?
So now you know why we are thinking of Biden’s war hero uncle whose body was never found in New Guinea, as the old man told in his own words. No reason to doubt his memory. We’ll now share the declassified special cannibal recipe for making an entrée of Biden’s Uncle Bosey. So pay attention.
Ingredients
- Time Machine (preferably the H.G. Wells version)
- Military maps of World War II
- Anti-Aircraft Gun
- Diving gear
- Cleaning Agent (preferably Burismeijing)
- Face mask and gloves
- Traditional Cooking Pots
- Herbs and Spices
Getting the Man
This is the most difficult and patience-demanding part of the process. But it’s indispensable for full-filling the cannibal appetite as it gets the prey. So grab your military maps of the Second World War and sit in the time machine set to arrive in New Guinea on May 14, 1944. When you arrive on the island, sit at a reasonable distance inward from the beach where Uncle Bosey’s plane will be heading down into the sea due to its decrepit engines. Keep the Anti-Aircraft Gun ready.
As Uncle Bosey’s plane appears overhead and is about to fly over the shoreline, shoot it down with the AA gun. Slip on your diving gears and rush to get the sleepy thing whose own biological engines likely failed not long after those of the expired plane carrying him. You will need to get the body quick and fast before the plane drowns.
Carry the poor martyred Uncle Bosey to a secure spot in the woods, away from the cannibals because those hungry creatures will be out on the prowl soon as they smell a Biden. Did we mention that the Biden family tends to be extra fragrant especially when dead?
Make sure your cell phones are off while you prepare Uncle Bosey for cooking. Just because you went eight decades back doesn’t mean the IRS will stop bugging you about their share in your charity’s fundraiser.
Cleaning Uncle Bosey
Given how genetically messy and politically filthy they are, it’s not easy to clean a Biden family member; but there are certain advantages of having one for dinner. For example, they are all born without a brain, so no worrying about the head part. In fact, many of their empty skulls play interesting stories and absurd snippets. So there’s some free entertainment as you work on the dude in the woods. Wear your face mask and gloves. After removing all the unwanted parts – you know what we mean – pour some Burismeijing all around the inside organs and skin.
For those not familiar with the brand, Burismeijing is a special cleaning agent developed by Hunter Biden-affiliated Burisma Holdings and manufactured in Beijing, China – hence the name Burismeijing. This agent works quickly and clears all the records of corruption – oops, sorry folks, please ignore the slip of tongue. Burismeijing is just a good cleaning agent for the Biden family. It makes the work so much easier.
Cooking Uncle Bosey
Cooking any Biden family member is very easy. They are all very greasy internally so you need no oil or fat. Just put Uncle Bosey in a traditional cannibal cooking pot and place it on woodfire. Don’t worry about the climate alarmists. Remember you are in 1944. Add herbs and spices as you like. Close the pot and enjoy the beautiful sounds of nature away from the LGBTQ nausea. Open the pot after an hour and check the food. If it looks ready, dish out and dig in; otherwise wait for another 30 minutes or so. Put off the fire and serve Uncle Bosey to all cannibal cuisine enthusiasts around you.
Caution
If you eat anyone or anything related to the Bidens, cognitive decline over the years is always a health risk. But if you are a Democrat, especially one running for public office, it shouldn’t be concern. The media will have your back and every fabricated story of yours will be ignored.
Return Note
If you choose to return to your insanity-laden American city, use the time machine. But if you decide to stay back in nature away from the madding crowd, send your cell phone in the time machine with relevant instructions for your next of kin so they can secure your house before Uncle Bosey’s nephew hands it over to squatters.
So folks, try this precious gem of a recipe and let us know in comments how you liked it.
Someone cooked joe’s brain
pretty cool! that sums it all up. we know bejing biden can’t give a speech without throwing one gigantic lie in the speech! LGB!!!
What Joe Biden calls facts never add up!
REBEL et al: Where was the lie? Do you just jump to the liar status to cover up your love of a Trump lie? A what if is not a lie. Biden said his uncle was shot down. Probably engine failure so not shot down. Dead is dead though. And stupid is stupid and you can’t fix stupid. You have to know that. His plane went down; the area does feature some cannibals, and his body was never found. There is no lie in that. Just a stupid conjecture uttered at the wrong time in the wrong place to the wrong people. But not a lie except to Trumpian sycophants looking for redemption for their own sins of allowance.
Biden should have realized that a family kitchen table off-color joke might not fly well in the South Pacific. I am pretty sure that any conversation with the word “cannibal” will not end well there. Sort of like dropping the NAZI or Hitler names round here, which happens way too much. Certainly not the ice breaker. But really Rebel, where’s the lie and, more important, where’s the harm? He just said his uncle went down, body never recovered, and there were known to be cannibals in the region. Not the biggest sin, but certainly very stupid.
At least Karim did not get this one from the dumpster; he just put it there himself instead. Bravo for your initiative. Wish you had some talent.
Biden said that Bosie went down. And than cannibals existed in the area. And that the body was never found. All true. Not his finest moment, but I am sure one shared from the heart, and family dinner chatter. Our’s is the failed Arkansas homesteader’s son, goes to Dallas to open a BBQ, goes lake fishing, in an open boat, wearing waders, goes over, waders fill and that’s all she wrote. Yeah, there’s a nervous joke or two about that which are probably not acceptable in public. Or the one where Dad explained seeing an airshow where the chute did not open and it turns out, they don’t splatter, they bounce. Suddenly, a group of kids, us, start saying “boing, boing.” To the point of annoyance that Mom screams, “shut up and go to bed.” Moments later, from the bedroom: “boing, boing….” Apparently Mom was seeing a different picture than we did.
Point is that Biden’s statements, while somewhat harmless here except to those with a case of continual knicker knots against what they see as “the enemy,” just does not play well in the South Pacific. Dumpster never plays well, or fair either, and as of late, is sourcing Russian propaganda more than he sources the extreme right. I wonder if he has settled his squabble with the real Earnest Dempsey, who is a real author, with real novels? Isn’t Pakistan a state that sponsors terrorism? Has Dempsey been checked out? Is that why he writes here? Khaaaaaaan! How this Pakistani, from a land where terrorists flourish, got by to drop Russian propaganda bombs to right wingers on PBP is a mystery. Certainly not based on talent…….
Our version of bosie is an uncle, a submariner, who took another’s watch at war’s end, only to be rammed by another US ship, and died in the Panama Canal. Yeah, we make “opening the screen door” jokes when remembering, but you can’t. Or at least you better not in earshot. When the Dumpster unleashes his vitriolic spew ultimately tying this to cognitive decline and all sorts of horrid fantasies pulled from the Dumpster, all I can add is: You know, for those of us who lost folks in that war, you can suck eggs.