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Shocking Russian Interference in President Biden’s Freedom of Mobility

Shocking Russian Interference in President Biden’s Freedom of Mobility

In an unprecedented escalation of the war, suspected Russian techs launched a massive sabotage operation in the United States, causing US President Joe Biden – aka the Big Guy – to fall flat on his rear end.

The incident was caught on camera and has sparked widespread speculation that this was a direct assault on the 46th President of the United States, who won with 81 million votes in 2020.

Besides Russia, some suspicion also falls on the Trump campaign for 2024.

As seen in the video footage from Wednesday (June 1st), a perfectly healthy and strong Joe Biden started to walk on a perfectly normal and even-surfaced stage after he delivered a speech to the new graduates of the U.S. Air Force in Colorado.

Suddenly Mr. Biden, who is only 80 years old and fit as a racehorse, lost his balance and fell on the stage ass-first (though some viewers insist his right side landed first, fractions of a second earlier than his ass).

Many in the crowd saw this – while some just were too busy celebrating their graduation, so they missed the Big Guy’s small fall – and gasped.

Three kind-hearted gentlemen quickly came to the assistance of the 46th President and helped him get back on his feet. Mr. Biden then carefully and, of course, bravely, walked to a nearby seat.

But confusion and concern among all those who saw the incident persist as to what possibly could cause this sudden fall in front of the world as the cameras recorded it all.

“There is no logical explanation for this,” says Biden’s physician (and every medical expert agrees with him). “The President is doing as good as Superman on the health front, both physically and mentally. In earth years, he is 80, but in health years, he is 18.”

When asked about the President’s history of losing his way on stages and showing incoherent language with many false memories in his speeches over the past two years, the physician assured that it was nothing unusual and the President was “mostly” healthy – and again, all health experts around the world agree. 

The Department of Defense (DOD) and several analysts who have seen the footage are nearly convinced there is one explanation that most reasonably accounts for Mr. Biden’s fall: Vladimir Putin, the Russian president – that is, the Russian Dictator – who has interfered in all the U.S. presidential elections won by Trump.

The DOD says they suspect Russia is using its newly developed MBF technology via Chinese-operated balloons flying over or close to America almost routinely without being detected by American radars.

“What the Make Biden Fall, or MBF, technology does is harvests gravitational waves from interstellar space,” says a high-ranking defense analyst on the condition of anonymity. “This energy can be redirected to create ripples in any surface, but particularly surfaces like stairs, stages, and biking tracks on which Mr. Biden climbs, walks, or rides a bike.”

The analyst said that they are sure to about 99 percent of the confidence level that the Russian dictatorial regime used the MBF technology to make Biden look old and weak and thus stop him from winning in 2024 or even getting him outed from the oval office via the 25th Amendment.

The Affiliated Press (AF) reached out to Biden’s office for a comment, but VP Kamala Harris instead answered the call.

She said she was there “by accident,” the President is busy with some important discussion, so she is answering calls temporarily.

When asked whether Mr. Biden’s fall on the stage in Colorado had anything to do with the 25th Amendment, VP Harris burst into uncontrollable laughter for five minutes.

On getting sober again, Harris said, “That’s not even a question, but space is a wonderful place, and gravitational waves are fascinating to watch, especially at night with goggles on.”

When the AF team tried to contact the Russian foreign ministry for a comment, they were told that the ministry is closed because everyone was at church praying for Mr. Biden’s life and health, especially for his life.

Defense analysts, speaking on condition of anonymity, believe that praying at the church for Biden’s long life is part of the big Russia conspiracy against the Biden administration since a long life for Biden would mean more opportunities for Putin to continue using his evil MBF technology against the 46th President, who is fit as a racehorse, strong as Superman, and won in 2020 with 81 million votes.

Disclaimer: For all the fact-checkers who flunked their junior highs before being employed at fact-checking, this is a work for satire. To see the meaning of “satire,” please consult a standard Webster, Cambridge, or another dictionary.

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12 Comments

  1. Dan tyree

    Lock him up

  2. Frank stetson

    Good one Dumpster.

    Makes you wonder how he could manage to maneuver around McCarthy so well on the debt ceiling. He may be 80, but he danced circles around the Freedom Cacause.

    If Trump losing weight? Head he’s exercising more. His favorite rep: looking over his shoulder 😄

    Hurricane coming to Florida; DeSantis better batten down those Disney ears of his.

  3. george

    This man’s body is an aging mess along with his brain. How much longer must America be laughed at and scorned by World leaders? How many of them are falllng down? Too boot Biden banged his head exiting his helicopter!

    • Joseph S. Bruder

      And yet, even at his age, he schooled McCarthy…

      • frank stetson

        JSB may be few and far between —— but priceless!

        Yes, even Larry called the “schooling,” “historic” that will set the stage for the next one. Schooling that is….. ha ha ha ha

      • Jimmy Falcon

        Yep, he schooled McCarthy on how to gracefully fall and get back up with the help of multiple aides. Joe’s a master bounce-back-upper. When will we ever learn that it’s all about having control over everyone around you that makes you look relevant in modern day politics. Joe is certainly one of the best at having people 10 times more incompetent then he around him to make him look like he’s a genius. The history books will not be kind to Joe Biden when he’s ousted in 2024. No amount of spinning by the crooked Media will help him. He did less with more advantages than any other president in U.S. History. I don’t know if that in itself is such an unusual thing or not, given that Joe has been on the wrong side of every foreign policy decision he has been involved in, but it does say a lot about the last two incompetent generations of voters who don’t even know historical facts about the people who founded this nation and gave them the civil right to be as stupid as they choose to be. They are so damn dumb that a foreigner could ask random Millenials and Gen Z’ers third grade history questions and get deer-in-the-headlight responses. And this is who we want to entrust with our very future? May God never again allow such an atrocity to be perpetrated on this great nation, or else we will be the generations that witness the beginning of the end of the world. I pity every single person who isn’t ready for that inevitable event on God’s calendar. Their shock will be deservedly painful for not seeing the writing on the wall in 2020 when bad people were handed control of the nation by evil people hiding in the shadows and pulling the strings. Don’t say nobody told you so in 2020. There were plenty of warnings about lies told by the Media and the Government. We are now slowly, but surely, bringing all these people into the light. The only question now is, will we make them pay for all the damage they caused since 2020. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!

        • Frank stetson

          Er….Joe didn’t take over until 2021. Trump was running the country in 2020….The “control” was handed over in late January 2021.

          What people have you brought to light?

          The 1/)/2021 Republican insurrectionist of the nation’s capital? I’m pretty sure we know the up-tp-1& years in prison they got.

          Trump the sex abuser defamation King for 5 milluon and counting ?

          That was slow , but very sure.

          Or do you mean the future ones like:

          Trump the top secret document thief?
          Or
          Trump the hush money whore election financing guy
          Or
          Trump the business tax cheat
          Or
          Trump the Georgia voter fraud “I want a favor” guy?

          This guy isn’t running to be President, he’s running to save his own skin with a aelf pardon.

          • Joe Gilbertson

            So you are just going to recite a laundry list of Democrat propaganda? Absolutely nothing that you just said is real.

          • frank stetson

            Absolutely everything I said is true and JOE GILBERTSON has not proven that any part of it is not real.

            That makes everything that Joe just said, false, a lie.

            Joe says that 1/6/2021 did not happen and people did not go to jail, one for 18 years. It did happen and everyone except Joe knows it.

            Joe says that Trump was not adjudicated as guilty, guilty, guilty of SEX ABUSE and DEFAMATION and must pay out $5,000,000 and that another case from EJ is pending. It did happen, everyone, except Joe, knows it.

            And Joe says Trump is not under investigation and pending indictments on a number of cases that will bring other terrible things to light, adjudicated in a court of law covering:

            Trump as a the top secret document thief?
            Or
            Trump paying hush money to a whore with is an election financing violation. He’s unindicted coconspirator 1 in the case Michael Cohen went to jail on where Trump manipulated the system to keep him there and keep him from exercising his right of free speech.
            Or
            Trump the business tax cheat in NY which is a case underway, court date set for early next year.
            Or
            Trump the Georgia voter fraud “I want a favor” guy with indictments expected before end of summer.

            Joe lives in a fantasy world of his own making where he blames Democrats for all of his frustrations. He’s got a lot of frustration apparently. But stop lying Joe, or at least have the balls to prove what you are saying is more than hot air and lies.

    • Mike f

      We had 4 years of the world leaders laughing at us, at the president, but that stopped January 21, 2021. Biden is definitely aging, but at least we don’t have the incompetent mess of the prior 4 years…

  4. frank stetson

    George wants to know: “How many of them are falllng down?” Beyond George’s laughable stutttter to be scorned on “fallling.” here’s the top ten in recent years: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2023/06/02/biden-fall-world-leaders/

    Of course the GOAT award is not Biden’s but Republican tripster Gerald Ford branding him forever: The Accidental President and giving Chevy Chase a living.

    Biden should remain President at least until he breaks Ford’s record, or his leg :>)

  5. Darren

    He fell over because Putin blew at him from Russia.

  1. There you go again raking up stories about obscure democrats who are of small consequence in the larger American political…