Scientific Analysis of a Liberal Brain
Brain structure and function of two dozen randomly selected adult liberals of various ages, and both genders were studied over a period of one week and compared to a standardized normal brain of similar number of adult conservative Americans across 35 states. It was found that the average liberal brain has a very limited capacity for intelligent thought and is prone to delusional psychosis.
It’s long been speculated that liberals do not have an actual brain and their entire performance as humans comes from a mass of diseased tissues that don’t grow and modify like normal brain tissues in healthy adults. We tested this hypothesis by studying the brains of 24 randomly selected adult liberal brains for structure and function and compared with standard brain characteristics for 10 key features. The comparison gives us an idea of what goes wrong in an average liberal brain and helps us assess whether there is hope for fixing the vulnerabilities associated with its defective features.
The brains were taken out of the heads of the participating subjects without affecting the function of the brain-owner and the brains in any significant way. The individual brains were then connected to sensors capable of a range of measurements. The sensors were calibrated and set to measure 10 key features of standard and healthy human brain responses including: perception, emotion, rationality, thinking, memory, motivation, affection, coherence, adaptability, and resilience. The measurements were plotted as a graph against the standard key features of a healthy non-liberal brain, and the differences were expressed in percentages.
The average liberal brain was found to be significantly different from a healthy non-liberal brain on all measurements of the 10 key features. It had a highly distorted perception of signals that define reality but was very low on rationality (reason), affection (love and care), and coherence.
On features of memory, motivation, and emotion, it tended to be very selective. In nearly all cases, it did not respond well to signals from its own memory bank, showed very little to no motivation to stimuli of work and learning situations, and had a difficult time adapting to signals different than the initial set. But it exhibited high emotional responses to a select set of signals of certain key concepts – like white, Christian, conservative, masculine etc. – indicating strong negative memory of these signals. Parts of the brain involved in destructive planning appeared highly charged when in its emotionally responsive state.