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Liberals Have All The Answers

Liberals Have All The Answers

It sometimes seems as though climate change is the catch-all phrase that liberals use to explain everything from extended droughts to increases in certain autoimmune diseases. For example, I recently read that global warming (a commonly used variation of “climate change”) is to blame for people spending more time outdoors and thereby being bitten by deer ticks and therefore contracting Lyme Disease. 

In other news, global warming is also blamed for record-breaking heat waves that hit much of the western US earlier this summer, preventing them from going outdoors. Climate change is also responsible for rising sea levels, eroding sea walls, and basically the sea in general. But also tick bites. 

Besides global warming, liberals also like to blame things on racism, white supremacy, and evangelical Christians. Not sure why the Christians who only go to church on Easter and Christmas aren’t under fire as well, but apparently those who sincerely want to tell you the Good News are the worst. 

Here are a few other common issues facing society today and the liberal’s pat answers. 

Should mask mandates be reintroduced and upheld?

Yes. Not wearing a mask is racist. 

Do you wear a mask or CDC-approved face covering everywhere you go?

Of course. I have one in every color to coordinate with my three dozen “#Vaxxed” t-shirts. Sometimes I wear two masks, but only days when I don’t wear three. I even wear a mask to bed. It’s not creepy at all; just as my girlfriend. I mean, ex-girlfriend. Second cousin. Whatever. 

Do you think global warming is a legitimate threat to the survival of mankind?

Definitely, the Earth is so obviously warming up right now that any idiot can tell it’s heating up permanently.

Does the fact that it’s August have anything to do with the rise in air temperature?

No, you racist! 

Do you think Biden should resign for pulling American troops out of Afghanistan before evacuating American civilians?

It wasn’t his fault. Global warming is clearly to blame because…I don’t know, it just is. Conservatives don’t have any facts. No proof! Ignoramuses! 

Is mandating vaccines for all unconstitutional?

Yes, because climate change. And white supremacy.

Are you fully vaccinated against Covid-19?

Yes. What do you think I am, an evangelical Christian? 

Should China be held accountable for releasing the novel coronavirus that causes Covid-19 (originally called the Wuhan Virus) into the world? 

Climate change. Global warming. No, today was a bit chillier than the same day last year, it’s gotta be climate change. Yeah, I’m going with climate change. 

Why are rural white men least likely to get vaccinated against Covid-19?

Climate change. I mean white supremacy. They’re the same thing, right? 

About The Author

11 Comments

  1. The Redhawk

    LIBERAL ( READ UNEDUCATED COMMIES) ONLY ANSWER IS TO CALL FOR HELP VIA A GPOS TO FIND TEIR WAY HOME in DAYLIGHT !

  2. Disgusted

    Every top Demo crat must all be put up against a wall and shot til dead Thanks a lot Dems for destroying what was left of America. Time to get the hell out of America before the Dems or Taliban, China, Russia, etal kill all of us!

    • Dan Tyree

      I’m disgusted too, but why should we get the hell out of America? We have more right to be here than commiecrats

  3. Ben

    Satire at its best.
    I can’t believe you took the time to write this, or that I took the time to read it. Congratulations! You got me!

    • Joseph S. Bruder

      Yes, it’s satire, but the author’s idiotic imaginings of what Democrats think show that they are not serious about climate change or white supremacy. It’s just sad…

      What’s worse is the level of violence advocated by the so-called “Christian Conservatives”. How many of the site’s readers will be sitting in jail someday because Trump or Pillow Guy or Guiliani or Taylor-Greene or Gaetz or one of Trump’s other Maga-Lunatics goaded them into attacking someone wearing a mask, or threatening a government official in an online rant, or participating in another Jan 11th-style coup attempt? How many already belong to Oathkeepers or the Three-percenters or some other gun-nut group and are just an argument-with-the-wife away from shooting up their local government building or spear-fishing their own children?

      • Duke

        Bruder you’re insane. I believe that you people want violence. So bring it on you stupid son of a bitch

    • Dan Tyree

      Of course liberals have the answers. Wasn’t we promised that retard joe would stop COVID in it’s tracks? Ben, Frank and joe are still holding their breath. Give us guys. You’re turning blue. That’s bad. I was a life guard once but a blue guy got me fired

  4. JoeyP

    Liberals (actually COMMUNISTS) have ALL the ANSWERS . . . The WRONG ones! Just check VENEZUELA, CUBA, etc. You get the PICTURE. One Enlightened And Wary Patriot. Team Trump And His Allies 2020 – MAGA (WE’RE NOT going away!).

    • Ben

      Joey,
      There like 500+ of you going away for the Insurrection.
      The Maga age demographic skews toward the 55+, you’ll die sooner rather than later.
      And they Republicans are much more likely to not have the vaccine which leads to a dramatic increase in Covid deaths.
      A LOT of Y’all are most certainly going away.. eventually

  5. Glenn S

    I only have one complaint: Your made-up answers make more sense than Liberal’s answers usually do :-p

  6. frank stetson

    “Wasn’t we promised that retard joe would stop COVID in it’s tracks?” Uh, we did. Now it’s mostly conservatives go to the hospital and die which is still very sad. How many yesterday? How many in Florida? It’s a pandemic of the unvaccinated, and guess who they are……

    You are free to do what you want. The virus only acts one way. You have been told what to do to defeat it. Now we are rolling out military medical teams to cover your mistakes. It is and has been war. Decide to fight it or stay out of the way. Quit filling up the ERs, get well again. Take the vaccine, use the mask, act like our experts are telling us to act to stay safe. We beat it this Spring, we can beat it again, but you have to pitch in and support our team including those brave military medical teams called out of the safety of Afghanistan to go to war in your ER rooms in Alabama and other conservative strong holds.

    Liberals = Communists = Liberals = CUBA =VENEZUELA. That’s just fricken brilliant. Nonsensical.

    MAGA, just keep spending your money. You just know that since they can’t find anything salient in AZ that Trump is telling them to just keep looking, don’t stop, believing, keep going, it’s OK as long as you don’t stop, I can keep telling them we are about to find it. Because there’s sheep to be shorn, money to be raised, loans to pay off. Gotta keep the money machine going and AZ just keeps that cash register ringing. The Big Lie just lines his pockets.

    Boy, you really know how to ruin a nice piece of satire.

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