Alice Green | Aug 1, 2022 | 4
Liberals Have All The Answers
It sometimes seems as though climate change is the catch-all phrase that liberals use to explain everything from extended droughts to increases in certain autoimmune diseases. For example, I recently read that global warming (a commonly used variation of “climate change”) is to blame for people spending more time outdoors and thereby being bitten by deer ticks and therefore contracting Lyme Disease.
In other news, global warming is also blamed for record-breaking heat waves that hit much of the western US earlier this summer, preventing them from going outdoors. Climate change is also responsible for rising sea levels, eroding sea walls, and basically the sea in general. But also tick bites.
Besides global warming, liberals also like to blame things on racism, white supremacy, and evangelical Christians. Not sure why the Christians who only go to church on Easter and Christmas aren’t under fire as well, but apparently those who sincerely want to tell you the Good News are the worst.
Here are a few other common issues facing society today and the liberal’s pat answers.
Should mask mandates be reintroduced and upheld?
Yes. Not wearing a mask is racist.
Do you wear a mask or CDC-approved face covering everywhere you go?
Of course. I have one in every color to coordinate with my three dozen “#Vaxxed” t-shirts. Sometimes I wear two masks, but only days when I don’t wear three. I even wear a mask to bed. It’s not creepy at all; just as my girlfriend. I mean, ex-girlfriend. Second cousin. Whatever.
Do you think global warming is a legitimate threat to the survival of mankind?
Definitely, the Earth is so obviously warming up right now that any idiot can tell it’s heating up permanently.
Does the fact that it’s August have anything to do with the rise in air temperature?
No, you racist!
Do you think Biden should resign for pulling American troops out of Afghanistan before evacuating American civilians?
It wasn’t his fault. Global warming is clearly to blame because…I don’t know, it just is. Conservatives don’t have any facts. No proof! Ignoramuses!
Is mandating vaccines for all unconstitutional?
Yes, because climate change. And white supremacy.
Are you fully vaccinated against Covid-19?
Yes. What do you think I am, an evangelical Christian?
Should China be held accountable for releasing the novel coronavirus that causes Covid-19 (originally called the Wuhan Virus) into the world?
Climate change. Global warming. No, today was a bit chillier than the same day last year, it’s gotta be climate change. Yeah, I’m going with climate change.
Why are rural white men least likely to get vaccinated against Covid-19?
Climate change. I mean white supremacy. They’re the same thing, right?