I awoke this morning channeling Marc Antony’s speech – at least as Shakespeare penned it.
Friends, Americans and countrymen (and women, too), lend me your ears;
I have not come to politically bury Nancy Pelosi, but to praise her.
(Okay, I reversed the sentiment of the speech, but this is just a parody, so get over it.)
The evil that politicians do live after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Nancy.
The noble politicians hath told you Nancy was ambitious;
But the noble press hath told you that Nancy is an honorable woman.
She hath borne a noble bleeding heart for the many furloughed government workers;
Yet, she provided not an inch of border wall to bring them back to work.
But Nancy is an honorable woman.
Nancy suffers pain for those working without paychecks;
For sure, she would not have the President add one more border agent to end the shutdown.
Yet, Nancy is an honorable woman.
Nancy feared for the impact of the shutdown on the American economy;
Though she wouldst not purchase a single drone to protect the border.
But Nancy is an honorable woman.
Her heart goeth out to the Dreamers of uncertain futures;
And yet she bravely refuses to assuage their fears and futures.
Yes, Nancy is an honorable woman.
The lady speaks out against illegal drugs that stupefy so much of the populace,
But sees no reason to defend from that commerce at our borders.
Still, Nancy is an honorable woman.
She mourns with the families of the victims of illegal aliens,
But will not expend a penny to prevent such heinous acts in the future.
And yet, Nancy is an honorable woman.
She claims the proposed measures to secure the border are immoral,
But she blessed our society with walls in the past that were deemed moral.
Because Nancy is an honorable woman.
Nancy sayeth that she and her colleagues will further secure the border,
But has neither history nor plan to establish it.
But Nancy is an honorable woman.
Nancy hath been called a woman of great courage;
And yet she dares not enter the oracle of negotiation.
Still, Nancy is an honorable woman.
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men (and women) have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the House with Nancy,
For Nancy is an honorable woman.
So, there ‘tis.