HORIST: Impeachment as baseball
The Democrat Donkeys – being coached by the controversial Adam Schiff – are halfway through their pre-season warm up. The Donkeys will enter the real game season – when they will face the Republican Elephants — and Schiff will be turning over the coaching job to Jerry “The Munchkin” Nadler over at Judiciary Stadium.
In a break with tradition, Schiff separated the pre-season play into two parts – the first being a series of out-of-sight drills to check out the team before the fans see them. He has now entered the second round of pre-season play that will be out on the open field where the press and the public get their first glimpse of the team.
During his closed-door practice, Schiff assured Donkeys’ fans that he had some really outstanding players. He predicted it would be a season of sluggers who would easily crush the Elephants. He bragged that the Elephants would be so badly defeated that they would have to kick out their team manager, Donald Trump. So far, however, the Elephants are expressing confidence in the team’s front office and their line-up.
Once on the practice field, the Donkeys did not live up to expectations. Their lead-off star sluggers – George Kent and William Taylor – had trouble getting the ball out of the infield. In fact, they struck out more than they connected. There were even some sports reporters who wondered why these guys were even on the team.
Undeterred, Coach Schiff promised that the next batter would restore Donkeys fan confidence. Marie Yovanovitch was the first female on the team. He and his team praised Yovanovitch as a great person with a wonderful personal narrative – someone who knows the game. Schiff also assured fans that she could also hit the long ball.
Schiff seemed to be hoping that the pitchers would be a little less aggressive with those fastballs and curveballs when facing a lady player. He was right, most of the pitches were over-the-plate lobs. However, even then she could hardly connect with the ball. For sure, she had a nice swing, but it was one strike-out after another.
She later complained that her poor performance was due to some Republican team members saying she was not the great player Schiff had promised. She said she felt intimidated by comments from the Elephants – especially team manager Trump. To be sure, Yovanovitch seemed to be a great person with an academic knowledge of the game, but she failed to hit the ball.
With the Donkeys looking weak in the early days of the pre-season play, what is next?
According to Schiff, Taylor told him of a guy who might be able to hit the ball out of the park – a rooky named David Holmes. Holmes apparently had told Taylor that he, Holmes, had overheard the Elephants’ coach explain their strategy. In other words, Holmes has the goods. Still, the kid is not a proven slugger and does not seem to have the stuff to hit the ball any better than Kent, Taylor or Yovanovitch – and it is not even certain Holmes wants to playball with the Donkeys.
Schiff is still predicting a winning season. But fans remember how many times he had predicted a winning season when Robert Mueller was supposed to have signed up for the Donkeys’ team. When that did not happen, the Donkeys’ team fell into the cellar.
Things are going so bad for the Donkeys at the moment, there is speculation that the team owner, Nancy Pelosi, may pull them off the field before they commit to season play. She said they could take the team to the World Series over on the Senate side, but they would then face the Elephants on their own home turf. “We could wind up being trampled by those pachyderms.” Pelosi feared.
The fact that the Donkeys were not looking good on the field did not dampen the enthusiasm of their cheerleading squad composed of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortex, Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar. Tlaib was sanctioned by the League for her cheer calling on the Donkeys to beat the “mother****r.
Well, it looks like pre-season play has a few more innings – but so far, the Donkeys are not living up to expectation. They may not even get to the World Series – and if they go that far, they will be up against big odds.
So, there ‘tis.