(Mosul) – In order to combat the growth of ISIS, President Obama has launched a surprising initiative, to host a job fair in the ISIS controlled city of Mosul. The program, known as “AK’s for C.V’S,” has been praised as a revolutionary step for peace in the Middle East. In a statement on the President’s Twitter, Obama has urged both ISIS extremists and Iranian backed Shiite militias to attend the event.
“From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs,” said President Obama in a recent press address. The president went on to outline that this has been the year of the virtual corporations: Facebook is the number 1 site for content, with no original content posted; Alli Baba is the largest online sales site, with no items posted by the owners; Uber has grown to rival many traditional taxi services, with no company owned locations or cars. Indeed, while many taxi services have discriminating policies against hiring traditional Jihadist candidates, the more open-minded Uber looks to be an important alternative for job seekers.
“The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall,” warned White House Spokesman Marie Harf. The trash removal business has been estimated to grow in recent years, as many building materials are scattered throughout numerous areas. While many in Mosul are eagerly awaiting the job fair, an anonymous Turkish Jihadist, however, has stated that his home country and Saudi Arabia, both American allies, are simply paying more to participate in this massive proxy war than any jobs available at the Job fair.
Happy April Fools!